Why the sun lightens
our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on
mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see
the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery "?
"abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors
call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop
Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice
made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
Why is the man who
invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day
with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there
mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new
and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat
those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize
the needle for lethal injections?
Why don't sheep shrink
when it rains?
Why are they called
apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite
of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
1. Once over
the hill, you pick up speed.
2. I love
cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.
3. If it
weren't for STRESS I'd have no energy at all.
hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
6. Dogs have
owners. Cats have staff.
7. If the shoe
fits......buy it in every color.
8. If you're
too open minded, your brains will fall out.
9. Going to
church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you
10. If you
look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. Some days
are a total waste of makeup.
13. Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.
14. A balanced
diet is a cookie in each hand.
15. Middle age
is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
always look bigger going than coming.
17. Junk is
something you've kept for years and throw away three week before you need it.
18. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you
to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
19. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the
O'Neil Marketing & Consulting and Numa Communications Ltd.
#409-100 South Park Royal, West Vancouver, BC V7T 1A2 Tel (604) 913-1905 Fax (604) 913-1906 Or click here to email
Last revised: January 9, 2009